i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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