Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
