their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
