We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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