Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
