and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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