Someone shit on the floor
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
