She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
