I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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