we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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