My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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