I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We need to get me chipped asap
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
