there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
