I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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