Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
