it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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