Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
