I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
