He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
