I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
my poor anus
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I deserve this hangover.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
