Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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