Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
