took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
