There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Randomize
