I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
