38 yer olds are good kisserssss
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
