But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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