everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
