I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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