He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
