Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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