So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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