so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
May the power of my ass compel you!!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
