They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Randomize
