So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
