Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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