And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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