Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
