my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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