My liver just broke up with me...
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
