New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Green mimosas i think yes
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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