im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
