remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
