she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
