dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
