Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
