I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
