Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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