Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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