The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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