people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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