Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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