Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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