pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
