worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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